Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
