we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
