I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
