I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
