I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
