Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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