Having a random hookup so left but love u
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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