Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
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