I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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