Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
