Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
