I just threw up on my dentist
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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