i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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