did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize