i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
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Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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