It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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