Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
