remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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