do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
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