i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
