My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
