Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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