just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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