i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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