I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
