it wasn't lemon gatorade
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
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