Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
