Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
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Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
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Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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