Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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