We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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