Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
