who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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