Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize