He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Everyone says I win the strip club
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
