Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
