Just fell off a train. Bad.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
She's like a pop up book from hell.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
