i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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