So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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