the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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