shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Randomize
