is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
