I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
