I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
