About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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