sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
