You can't motorboat a personality
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
