you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
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