I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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