hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
