Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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