I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
