how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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