my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize