I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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