his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
