she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
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Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
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I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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