Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
