I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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