Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
