Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
