she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
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