oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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