I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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