I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
