What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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