My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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