We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
