he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
