I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
