Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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