the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
